Dear John: It’s Me, Not You- by Keri Murphy

Relationships are like pebbles, when dropped in the pond of life, they create ripples that radiate beyond the entry point.

Research tells us that the greatest source of joy in life can be healthy relationships. Relationships however are a double-edged sword. They can also cause us the most pain and frustration. In all forms, professional, friendship, family and romantic, the quality of these relationships like that pebble dropped in water, ripple across our lives, the lives of those around us and even impact future relationships.

Buddhist monk, Thich Nhat Hanh said, “The amount of happiness that you have depends on the amount of freedom you have in your heart.”

Do you feel that a current relationship is weighing heavily on your head and heart? Are you holding onto an old relationship, whether it’s with a significant other or business partner? Are you holding on because of guilt, obligation or fear?

Letting go is not easy, but sometimes it can be for the best. You are not being selfish, you are doing both parties a favor. In the long run severing the ties of an unhealthy relationship will bring better opportunities and more happiness.

It is time for you to let go? Here are some signs to look for and how to start moving on.

You Outgrow Your Relationship

Have you started to describe the work that your company does and realize it’s not really the work you do or want to do?

Is your significant other stuck in the past and you are ready to pursue new goals and aspirations?

You are evolving and changing as much as your relationships are, life plans and ideals change. Sometimes you grow with your partner and sometimes you grow apart. This is not a bad, but it is a fact of life.

Recognizing that you need to create something new, or find a new job instead of trying to make that relationship conform to your needs is an important step in letting go. Can you find some ways to grow together? Is there a way to infuse your passion into your current job? Putting them in a “box” is not fair to your other half.

Your Relationship Outgrows You

Do you feel like you aren’t up to the demands of your relationship? Do you not have the same vision as your company to move to the next level?

This one is a tough pill to swallow, and often times others are the one to tell you… “It’s not me… it’s you.”

Yes that’s right I said it. Others may find that you are not a perfect fit for them or the business you and a partner started is moving in a direction not well suited for you. This does not mean there is something wrong with you. Instead of taking this as an insult, recognize the opportunity for you to take what you have learned into your next relationship. Improving and growing from what you experienced will make the next one more meaningful and successful.

You Aren’t “Into It” Anymore

You should wake up each morning in love with what you are doing and the people you have in your life. Ready to take on your day with the spark, ignited by your passion for what you do. No one will ever care for your business more than you. YOU fuel the fire!

When the company you created starts to feel like a “job” or your relationships start feeling like obligations, it is time to re-evaluate why you are there.

Are there simple parts of the relationship that you need to change or is there a deeper problem?

Maybe you realize there are day-to-day tasks that could be delegated at work. Or maybe you have been going to the same restaurant, every week for the past three years and you need a new date spot.

What made you passionate about the relationship in the first place? After careful self-reflection, if you decide these solutions haven’t helped, maybe you are just not “into it” anymore. Be honest and true to your feelings… is it time to go?

When It’s Harder Than it Should Be

Don’t get me wrong, relationships are not easy. No matter what kind or who they are with, every great relationship takes effort. It starts with you. Is there some personal growth that needs to happen? If you are constantly battling and running into roadblocks as you are trying to move forward, maybe it’s time to rethink where you are. Are the signs pointing towards something new or different?

Don’t be afraid to let go.

When you allow yourself to truly let go, you will find peace.

Holding onto an unhealthy relationship can be torturous and those ripples will affect all other aspects of your life. Release the fear and let go. Open yourself up to the new possibilities that await you!

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Keri Murphy and the Inspired Living team is on a mission to empower people to use their unique talents in a way that allows them to Dream, Live and BE all that is possible through speaking, coaching, celebrity interviews and original on-line content. Get Inspired at inspiredliving.tv

I had written my own Dear John letter. I decided it was time to build something new, a company that would integrate long term strategic consulting with an innovative technology product that would demystify marketing departments’ “big data” into meaningful strategies.