I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “It’s lonely at the top.” It can also be lonely to choose the path less taken, to be… “weird.”
One in 10 people are reported to admit to feeling lonely. Talent, financial success, fame and adoration offer no protection from this malady. Some of the most idolized women of the twentieth century, Marilyn Monroe, Judy Garland and Princess Diana were famously lonely. Janis Joplin, idolized and worshiped on stage wrote lyrics of loneliness, “ I just made love to 25,000 people, but I’m going home alone.”
Human connection and relationships are what we value more than anything else. In surveys conducted to determine the contributing factors of human happiness, connections to friends and family (love, intimacy and social interaction) consistently rank higher than wealth, fame and even physical health. Yet somehow, we are not fulfiling this need. According to a study by the American Sociological Review, the average American has only two close friends to confide in and a quarter of those said they have no one to confide in at all.
Contact with others has both mental and physiological roots. Laboratory research has examined the power of our need for physical contact with others. Cooperation for example activates the “reward” areas of the brain, such as those activate by hunger. When we are confronted with social rejection, the experience activates the same areas that light up when we are in physical pain. Social interaction can even affect our immune system function.
We are social animals, descended from a common ancestor that gave rise to all other social primates. It is theorized that our need to send and receive, interpret and relay complex social cues drove the evolution of our cerebral cortex (the reasoning part of the brain). The ability to think, pursue objectives, bond and act collectively is what has allowed us (humans) to emerge as the planets dominate species.
It is evident that our need for connection is important to both our physical and mental well being, yet worldwide there is an epidemic of loneliness and disconnect. We live in an age where we are glued to social media outlets and make friends with people online we will never meet, but it is important to remember that REAL human connection is what keeps us healthy and happy.
Rodale news, a trusted source for content related to the fields of health, fitness, and wellness around the world offers tips on how to take control of the situation if you are feeling lonely. You have more power than you think.
Read on to start making a change today.
Start small
If you’re lonely and fear rejection, start by connecting with people in little steps. “Have a conversation with the bus driver, or the bank teller, or the cashier at the grocery store,” says Louise C. Hawkley, PhD, associate director of the Social Neuroscience Laboratory at the University of Chicago. “Or just smile and greet them and let them smile and greet you back—nothing threatening. Now you’ve had a pleasant exchange that didn’t go badly. Build on that.”
Volunteer
Get your mind off your problems and do something for someone else. “Seeing someone feel happy and nurtured by virtue of your presence is very fulfilling,” says Hawkley. And one of our core human needs is the need to feel needed.
Get a pet
Any pet is better than none if you’re lonely, but you’ll get the biggest boost from a pet that can return your affections. By that measure, says Hawkley, “Dogs are great. Dogs are unfettered in their regard.” Plus, “You usually have to walk a dog, and when you’re walking you meet other people.” You also get exercise, which is good for mood and health.
Challenge yourself
The next time you’re tempted to skip a social gathering, ask yourself: What’s the worst thing that could happen? If the worst thing you can imagine won’t kill you, go. You’ll feel a lot better about yourself—even if you have a bad time—than you will if you chicken out.
Be realistic
If fantasizing that you’ll meet your new best friend gets you out the door, dream away! Just realize it’s unlikely to happen. “Don’t expect one effort to be the answer to your problems,” says Hawkley. “It’s going to take repeated efforts. It probably took you a long time to get in the state where your needs aren’t being met. It’s going to take you some time to get out.”
Beware of busyness
Being overwhelmed with work, family, and social commitments can distract you from underlying feelings of loneliness, but it won’t cure them. Don’t become a workaholic instead of trying to make new social connections.
Nurture existing friendships
If losing touch with friends is contributing to your feelings of loneliness, it’s time to reconnect. After all, friends help us live longer. “You have to make time for friends, especially, no matter how busy you are, because they’re there by choice, which is worth a lot when the chips are down,” says Hawkley. Research suggests that friends who touch base a few times a month are more likely to still be in contact a year later.
Loneliness is more common than you may think, but that does not mean it is necessary to stay in that rut. Remembering these few VERY simple things will help to keep you feeling surrounded by the people and love that is already there for you.
© 2012 Inspired Living, LLC
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Keri Murphy and the Inspired Living team is on a mission to empower people to use their unique talents in a way that allows them to Dream, Live and BE all that is possible through speaking, coaching, celebrity interviews and original on-line content. Get Inspired at inspiredliving.tv
