Why Self Love is not “Selfish!”

Ladies, do you feel like sometimes you have a nonstop chorus of criticism and comparison playing background music in your life? Tainting moments of happiness, with thoughts of… “If only my hair looked as good as hers…” or “Why is her project proposal so much better than mine?” This self- sabotaging melody is worse than a catchy pop song. It gets stuck in your head, and replays until we become miserable and lose self-confidence. It is time to squash the lies you tell yourself and turn them into affirmations of self- respect, self- love and self-comparison!

Women especially, have a habit of comparing ourselves to one another and gauge where we are at based on observation. If it stopped there, that would be one thing, but in comparing ourselves to others, we judge ourselves. This never ends in a win. The other person is always perceived as being, having or doing more and we come up short.

Our minds want to quantify. Rank, file and organize where we fit into the grand scheme of life. We need to give our minds something to do other than compare, or better yet, redirect the comparison to within.

Take any of the usual comparisons… based on beauty, weight, success, job performance, relationships and friends, and question the logic. Most deductions we make are completely irrational in their reasoning.

Michelangelo said, “Every block of stone has a statue inside it and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it.”

Each of you is a beautiful, confident, intelligent, successful woman in your own way. As the sculptor of our lives, we are creating our masterpiece with OUR life experiences and knowledge, not someone else’s.

“Self-love” is often associated with the word “selfish”, but I am here to tell you self- love is anything but selfish. It is empowering and inspiring. Embracing who you are helps you to find a new level or self- respect and self-worth and in turn treat others the same way.

Here are 4 reasons why “Self-love” is not “Selfish”.

Respecting yourself, leads to respecting others.

We all know a person like this… they are mean, judgmental and never having a good thing to say about anyone else. Have you ever stopped to wonder why? More often than not, it is because they don’t love themselves first and are projecting the way they feel onto others. Living selflessly (and happily) starts with truly embracing yourself. The more you respect yourself, the more you can do the same for others.

Celebrate your positive attributes, creating a positive attitude towards others.

Negativity breeds negativity. So turn that frown upside-down and focus on all the good things that make you who you are! The more value you put into yourself, the more you will want to seek the goodness in others. Elevate yourself, you will be much happier and others with that mentality will flock to you.

Taking care of YOU first, leaves an open heart to care for others.

I know I said that self-love is not selfish and this may seem like the wrong way to care for others, but taking care of your happiness first is the best thing you can do to make others happy. If you dwell on you inadequacies (or what you think are inadequacies) it takes away from your ability to love and care for others. It is a lot of work to be negative! So take care of your happiness first, learn to appreciate YOU and then you will see how much more emotional free time and energy you have to care for others.

Believing in your abilities allows you to pursue passions, inspires others.

Believing in yourself and your strengths will help you to hone in on what you are truly passionate about and meant to do. You will spend more time doing what you love to do and can share that with the world. You might even inspire someone else to do the same thing! When you are inspired…you inspire others.

 “Self-Love” makes you happier, kinder and more positive.

It is simple. If you love yourself, you will be happier. The happier you are the nicer you will be. The more open to others and opportunities you will find yourself. You will be more loving and more willing to trust. You will look for the good in yourself and in others as well.

See! Self-love is not “selfish” at all, instead it empowers you to build better relationships with others and allows you to see how truly wonderful YOU are. Stop comparing yourself to others. Embrace what makes you uniquely you. You will be happier and be able to live a life in alignment with your passions.


Be Brilliant!




© 2012 Inspired Living, LLC

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Keri Murphy and the Inspired Living team is on a mission to empower people to use their unique talents in a way that allows them to Dream, Live and BE all that is possible through speaking, coaching, celebrity interviews and original on-line content. Get Inspired at inspiredliving.tv



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Our blog features a series of interviews with some of the most visible and inspiring people world wide (ILTV) PLUS inspiration, business tips, and advice from Keri.