“I am going to tell you this, but you have to PROMISE me that you will NOT tell anyone, because I just gave my word I would NEVER repeat this!” And so the story goes, in office after office, day after day. Gossip. It is not a modern invention. It has been around since man learned to speak. In 1550 B.C., an ancient Egyptian hieroglyph depicted the spread of gossip and how to avoid it. Even the Romans were not innocent In Scorpion Tongues: The Irresistible History of Gossip in American Politics, Gail Collins noted that Mark Antony spread word that Caesar Augustus assumed the throne by bedding Julius Caesar.
We have all done it at one time or another. Gossiping and backstabbing is rampant in every day conversation. It is a way people try to connect with others or for those that love a good controversy, to “stir the pot”. If this is so prevalent then why is it so toxic, especially in the workplace?
According to the Handel Group’s Beth Weissenberger (handelgroup.com), “even if it is not malicious, office gossip kills camaraderie and morale and trust. It’s also a way for teams to avoid holding difficult conversations. It is unproductive, breeds resentment and becomes a roadblock to effective communication and collaboration.”
Tim Hallett, an academic at Indiana University, also noted that gossip weakens management’s ability to lead, creates resistance to change, fosters unnecessary drama and contributes to higher employee turnover.
People get caught up in what is being said about them or others and lose focus, tasks get forgotten about or pushed to the side and performance dwindles. Communication styles like gossip, criticism and defensiveness can hold teams back from high performance, but it is not because of the gossip alone. It is the persistent presence of it and how employees choose to respond that causes that downward plunge of office engagement. Killing the team environment.
Essayist and novelist Pico Iyer said, “In our appetite for gossip, we tend to gobble down everything before us, only to find, too late, that it is our ideals we have consumed, and we have not been enlarged by the feasts but only diminished.”
What if the next time someone came to you with a rumor, you chose not to spread it? What if you decided to be above it all, how do you think that would make you feel? How would it make the person on the receiving end feel?
Starting this week, try these 4 things to help squash gossip instead of spreading it. Remember, “Whoever gossips to you will gossip about you.” Stop the cycle now!
- If you feel the urge to gossip, ask yourself why? What is really going on? What is the request underneath the gossip? What might be the internal payoff to you of gossiping? Think about it.
- For the next 7 days refrain from all gossip! This includes being the gossip, participating in it by adding commentary, witnessing it, and watching or reading gossip media.
- For the following seven days, when it is called for to speak about others, speak as you would like to be spoken of. Even if it is about performance and behavior, show compassion and empathy. You would want the same if the shoe were on the other foot.
- Instead of devaluing others, lift them up! Always, look for opportunities to catch people doing something right and give them words of encouragement.
Shine ON!!
Keri
© 2012 Inspired Living, LLC
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