The “Golden Rule”, being nice and treating others how you want to be treated is one of the first life lessons we are taught as children. If this value has been carried over into adulthood, you probably think that being the nice guy can work to your advantage. How could it not? You are genuine and people like you. You are easy to work with. You care about others and have strong core values. This is behavior that should be rewarded with a gold star! (Or a promotion… right?)

Why is it then that office diva or politician gets the job? Or the bonus is given to the obnoxious brown noser? This is because, unfortunately, in the workplace the nice guy really does finish last.

“What nice people may not realize is that they are too nice, and that being too nice can seriously stymie their career growth and success,” said Russ Edelman, co-author of Nice Guys Can Get the Corner Office: Eight Strategies for Winning in Business Without Being a Jerk.

You may be thinking to yourself, what is so wrong with being nice? In principal, nothing, but in the workplace, the personality traits and tendencies of someone who is too nice does not lend well to becoming successful. Edelman said, “The nice guy is forever putting the oxygen mask on someone else before putting it on himself.” These people are used as doormats and can be targets for people to take advantage of. Often times, these are the people pleasers in the room and don’t stick up for themselves. Stop! Save yourself first, then go to help others.

Being too nice doesn’t just stop at the individual; it is also a problem with businesses. Employees or employers who are too nice cost time and money. A manager who is too nice cannot easily make decisions on their own. A product of their sensitive nature, they struggle to give constructive feedback and their need for approval, makes them want to include everyone in the decision making process. The result? Numerous missed opportunities.

Edelman conducted a survey of 50 CEOs on the affect of “being too nice” on their businesses. The response was being too nice cost them eight percent of their gross revenues. (WHAT? That is crazy! Don’t let this be your business.) From these findings it was deduced that more aggressive management would have earned these companies more money.

To be successful and move up the ladder, you need to be able to manage controversial issues, provide constructive feedback, make hard decisions and correct poor performance. Being successful does not always make you popular.

This does not mean you should become the office jerk. Finding a balance and redefining what “nice” is, is important. You can still be nice but assertive, confrontational but open minded and have boundaries set to ensure no one can walk all over you. So now what do you do to combat the nice syndrome?  

Edelman offers 3 pieces of advice. 

Business is competitive. Deal with it. 
Edelman interviewed Sam DiPiazza Jr., the CEO of PricewaterhouseCoopers, for his book. DiPiazza had this to say about business, according to Edelman: “Business, whether we like it or not, includes competition. It’s challenging, aggressive and very demanding. Despite the perception of many, it can also be performed nicely.”

Sometimes being nice isn’t very nice at all. 
Edelman also spoke with the CEO of the American Cancer Society, John Seffrin, who believes that when mangers are too nice and are incapable of having honest discussions with others (such as during a performance review) for fear of hurting feelings, they’re in fact not being nice at all and they’re doing a disservice to the people they manage.

Confrontation is not necessarily a bad thing. 
Nice people avoid confrontation because it’s uncomfortable, says Edelman. If nice people are to be more assertive, they need to understand the business value of confrontation: it allows them to solve problems. Edelman points to a strategy employed by 1-800-GOT-JUNK CEO Brian Scudamore, which Scudamore calls “race to the conflict.” The idea is, if a conflict or issue comes up, employees should race to it to get it resolved as quickly as possible. If they don’t, they’re wasting time.

You can get promoted or further in your business without being the office jerk, by recognizing these three things: competition is healthy, you won’t always be popular and confrontation is a tool for conflict resolution. You can still be nice, but strong and confident. Ditch the overly nice persona and find a balance where you can earn respect and a bigger paycheck!

© 2012 Inspired Living, LLC

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Keri Murphy and the Inspired Living team is on a mission to empower people to use their unique talents in a way that allows them to Dream, Live and BE all that is possible through speaking, coaching, celebrity interviews and original on-line content. Get Inspired at inspiredliving.tv