Do You Feel Like a Fraud?

November 12, 2012

“ I don’t really deserve this… It’s just a matter of time before I am found out… Someone must have made a terrible mistake.”

Does this sound familiar?

Despite paramount success, women experience nagging fear and self-doubt in today’s workplace.Forbes Magazine revealed the inner monologue of famous women you may know.

Actress, Tina Fey once confessed that inside her head she screams, “ I’m a fraud! They’re on to me!”

Chief Operating Officer of Facebook and member of the Forbes “Top 10 Power Women” list, Sheryl Sandberg, felt as if a Harvard University Speech “Feeling Like a Fraud” was speaking directly to her.

Our nation’s first Hispanic U.S. Supreme Court justice, Sonia Sotomayor admitted to be “too embarrassed” to ask questions while attending Princeton University. Sotomayor said, “I am always looking over my shoulder wondering if I measure up.”

Meryl Streep, regarded as one of the best actors of all time, still gets “cold feet” before each project. “I don’t know how to act anyway, so why am I doing this?” she told a reporter in 2002.These women have become successful in spite of those thoughts, but for some (and maybe for you) these thoughts are crippling.

Have you ever heard of the “imposter syndrome”? No, I am not talking about a new form of identity theft. It is that little voice in the back of your head that tries to tell you your not good enough. The imposter syndrome discovered by psychologist Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes in 1978 can affect both men and women, however women are more often held in its clutches. Valerie Young, Ed.D, author of The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women said that women are more susceptible than ever before. The imposter syndrome is like “always waiting for the other shoe to drop. You feel as if you’ve flown under the radar, been lucky or that they just like you. If you dismiss your accomplishments and abilities, you’re left with one conclusion: That you’ve fooled them,” said Young.

According to Forbes.com, women occupy only 4% of the CEO spots at Fortune 500 companies, and women hold fewer than one in five corporate board seats. Why? Researchers say that women are scared of success, but the truth is, we need to embrace the success we can have. Women are guilty of obsessing over small mistakes, take constructive criticism as evidence of shortcomings and belittle accomplishments as mere luck instead of skill. We over prepare, withhold opinions and talents, never finish projects and keep a low profile. When we do succeed, we think, “Phew, dodged that one.” I admit I have done this too, I think we all have at some point, but I have found that there are ways to step in and own your success. When you do that you will find: YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH! YOU ARE TALENTED! YOU DESERVE EVERY PROMOTION, OPPORTUNITY AND SUCCESS THAT COMES YOUR WAY! You just have to believe it!

The Huffington Post blogger Carolyn Rubenstein offered 3 great strategies to overcome the fear of “not being good enough”.

1. Make a Decision

“As individuals, we have the incredible power to decide that we are, in fact, good enough,” said Rubenstein. “You are the person who owns the sole key to your self-worth, which governs what you do. In order to achieve the feeling of being good enough, you must first believe it. If you choose not to do so, then no one else can do it for you.”

Take action! Write it down; say it out loud to yourself. Hold the power as the decision maker in your life. You create your own reality. If you truly believe you are good enough, you can let go of your quest for perfection and move forward.

2. Emphasize the Positive

How quickly do you dismiss a job well done? Do you recognize your accomplishments and allow others praise you for it? Compare that to the amount of time spent dwelling on a mistake you have made. Why do you let criticism become more important than praise?

“Always remember that you’re on your side, always,” says Rubenstein.

3. Redefine Perfect

“By releasing the self-assigned pressure of perfection, you will release the corresponding anxiety and allow yourself to perform up to your abilities,” said Rubenstein.

Use these strategies to help you overcome the feeling of not being good enough and allow yourself to be successful. George Sheehan said,” Success means having the courage, the determination, and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be.”

Believe in yourself, because no one else will if you don’t first!

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Keri Murphy and the Inspired Living team is on a mission to empower people to use their unique talents in a way that allows them to Dream, Live and BE all that is possible through speaking, coaching, celebrity interviews and original on-line content. Get Inspired at inspiredliving.tv