Moving in together is an important step in a relationship. For many, it marks the time where your connection goes from casual fling to serious commitment. That added pressure, not to mention all the extra time you will spend together, can also lead to some serious problems.

But here’s the good news: you can prevent these issues. What’s better, the solution is actually very simple – focus on improving your communication skills. Learning to resolve conflict and negotiate solutions won’t just help you now as you navigate this transition; it will also help you better handle the other challenges you may encounter together in the future.

Here are some of the conflicts you might face as you move in together and tips for handling them.

Chores – Before you moved in together, it’s likely you had a routine when it came to keeping up the house. But you may both have very different ideas of what that means. The level of cleanliness that is acceptable to one of you might be abhorrent to the other. Discuss these expectations, and decide how household responsibilities will be divided. It can help to put up a chore list or schedule on the fridge, and some couples find that the best solution is simply hiring help!

Finances – Whether or not you’ve taken the additional step of merging your bank accounts, the financial wellbeing of your partner now plays a bigger role in your relationship. How will you divide the household expenses? Who will be in charge of paying the bills? Work together to make a budget for this new life together, and then revisit it annually or when you experience a major life change like losing a job or getting a promotion.

Personal space – Both of you need to feel like you are at home in this new space. This can be a particularly difficult problem if one partner is moving into a space where the other is already living, but it can even be an issue if it’s a completely new apartment or house to both of you. Your partner may have different needs and tastes than you, so you need to find ways to accommodate them. That may mean setting aside a room or special area to display that Star Wars memorabilia you’re not a fan of or finding room in a closet for that huge collection of shoes and purses.

Long-term expectations – Take the time to discuss where you see this relationship going.  Is marriage in the cards? Do you want kids? If one of you is thinking about starting a life together, and the other considers this a short-term situation, it’s better that you’re both aware now. And if you both see becoming a family in your future, there’s no time like the present to start discussing what that means to each of you.

Handling these discussions won’t always be easy. They may bring up passionate emotions and that can lead to fighting. It’s important that you set ground rules to help keep things from escalating. Take turns talking, and when your partner is speaking, focus on listening, not forming your counter-argument in your head. Remember, the goal is to understand your partner’s point-of-view and find a solution that works for both of you – not just to win the fight.

Above all: no yelling or name-calling. If you find that things are getting heated, take a break and come back to the discussion later when cooler heads can prevail.

About the Author: Patrick O’Houlihan researches curtain rods and hardware. He recently moved in with his significant other and, after experiencing many of the problems mentioned above, felt the need to share his experiences with the rest of the soon-to-be-married world!

© 2012 Inspired Living, LLC

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